What do you think about sex toys? Do you find them intimidating, unnecessary, or maybe see them as your enemy?
Whether you’ve come across this article by accident or because you want to learn how to become more tolerant of your partner using sex toys, be ready to transform your outlook and improve your sex life- as that is precisely what sex toys do.
What Do Men Think of Sex Toys and Why?
A lot of men might feel intimidated by sex toys and even see a vibrator as their enemy. In a way, it makes sense. While many women struggle to achieve orgasm from vaginal penetration or even oral sex, using a vibrator can be highly effective, and it’s no wonder some might prefer playing solo if it’s what gets them off almost instantly.
This can feel threatening to men because it makes them feel less useful, especially since they’re often taught that women rely on them to receive pleasure. However, sex toys are more than just aids and now can be used by both partners, which you’ll learn more about in the next section. Still, your aversion towards sex toys didn’t arise out of nowhere. Here’s why you might still see sex toys as taboo:
1. Societal expectations of how sex should be
Sex positivity is a relatively new thing, and many men might find it difficult to get used to the idea that women enjoy sex as much as they do. Realizing that a woman can use a dildo or a vibrator instead of having sex and deriving as much pleasure from it can feel intimidating and shatter your worldview. Luckily, it’s never too late to become more open-minded.
2. Low self-esteem
If a man is afraid that a sex toy will please their partner more than they can, they forget to prioritize their partner’s needs and focus on their insecurity instead. Worrying about being less important than a toy might indicate low self-esteem, which fortunately is possible to work on.
Remember, if your partner uses a sex toy, it doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough – no one can reproduce the kind of stimulation a vibrator provides with their hands or tongue. Sometimes it’s nice for a woman to try out different sensations.
3. Feelings of shame
Society believes that men who masturbate are lonely and do it because they struggle to find a partner. Additionally, male sex toys are seen as gross, and using them isn’t as normalized as it should be yet. Because of this stereotype, a man might feel too ashamed to try sex toys and then project that shame onto their partner.
Luckily, there are also a lot of men who love seeing their partners pleasing themselves even if it takes multiple sex toys, and some even have a few toys of their own. If that’s not you yet, you can still unlearn harmful perceptions and better your sex life. Keep reading to introduce some sex positivity into your life – it will benefit you too.
Why Should You Learn to Like Sex Toys and Become More Sex Positive?
Sex positivity refers to being open to all sexual activities as long as they’re consensual and give someone pleasure, and that includes accepting sex toys. Remember, sex toys aren’t an indication of your sexuality or proof that you can’t satisfy your partner. The only purpose of sex toys is to give and receive more pleasure. Here are more reasons why sex toys are your friends, not enemies:
1. Sex toys for men exist too
What comes to your mind when you think of male sex toys? When most people picture sex toys for men, they usually visualize a fleshlight. Luckily, there are many different toys to choose from.
For example, you can find prostate massagers, a cock ring that makes your erection stronger and often comes with a vibration mode, masturbators with a heating function, and a lot more.
So if you struggle with sexual performance or simply want to experience more pleasure, you should test some male sex toys. A cock ring, in particular, is an excellent option as it doesn’t resemble a sex toy and can be taken with you anywhere. Masturbating just with your hand is pretty boring, so don’t be afraid to add a bit of versatility to the mix. Plus, you can contribute to ending the stigma!
2. Being sex-positive allows you to prioritize your partner’s needs
While your needs are important, it doesn’t mean that your validation matters as much as your partner’s pleasure; it means that both partners should care about making the other happy.
In other words, you should worry about whether your partner is having a good time instead of worrying that sex toys will replace you or make you look bad. Remember that there’s a lot more to sex than an orgasm or its physical side, it’s also about emotional connection, and the more you fight against letting your partner enjoy it fully, the harder it will be for you to build that bond. Don’t let this aversion ruin your relationship, and learn to prioritize your partner’s needs.
3. Sex toys can help you explore more
While women’s masturbation is seen as a way to learn more about their bodies, men are expected to masturbate only when they have no other option. But just like a woman, you can benefit from taking time to explore what you like a bit more, and the best way to do that is using sex toys. They don’t necessarily have to be designed for men specifically. You can experiment with a vibrator or an anal plug and introduce yourself to new types of stimulation.
Additionally, there are a lot of sex toys on the market that are dedicated to couples and open the doors to many possibilities. For example, if you’re adventurous, you can try a remotely controlled vibrator and discreetly play with your partner in public or make your fantasy come true with props such as a leather whip or handcuffs.
Trying new things can make your sex life a lot more exciting and strengthen the bond between you and your partner; BDSM or experimenting in public takes a lot of trust, and you shouldn’t take it for granted.
4. They can help you give your partner more pleasure
Some women can’t come without using sex toys, and that’s usually not anyone’s fault – it might simply be down to individual anatomy. But that doesn’t mean that you’re supposed to stand and watch while a vibrator is doing all the work. Using a sex toy on a partner takes practice too, and you should definitely give it a go to learn how to make intercourse more enjoyable for her.
This might also make you feel more like you’re contributing to your partner’s orgasm and working with vibrators, not against them.
Additionally, if you initially use a sex toy on yourself, you’ll know how to use it on your partner to make it a pleasurable experience. For example, you can experiment with anal vibrators and then surprise your partner with some amazing skills. Trust me, she’ll appreciate it.
